06.22.2003 | 6:29 pm

Treating Children

When the Savior and His disciples descended from the mount of Transfiguration, they paused at Galilee, then came to Capernaum. The disciples said unto Jesus, �Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?�

�And Jesus called a little child unto Him and set him in the midst of them, and said,

�Verily I say unto you, except ye be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.�

�And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.�

�But whoso offendeth one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and that he were drowned in the depths of the sea.�

It is significant that Jesus loved these little ones who so recently had left the pre-existence to come to earth. Children then and children now, bless our lives, kindle our love and prompt pure good deeds. Children are our past, the present, and the future all blended into one. They are consummately precious. Every time a child is born, the world is renewed in innocence. It is our solemn duty- even our sacred opportunity to welcome them into our homes and to our hearts.

A four year old was asked why her baby brother was crying. She looked at the baby and thought for a moment and then she said, �Well, if you had no hair, no teeth, and your legs were wobbly, you would cry too.�

We all come into the world crying- and a bit wobbly. For parents to take a newborn infant who is then only a bundle of potentialities, and love and guide and develop that child until a fairly functional human being emerges is the grandest miracle of science and the greatest of all the arts. When the Lord created parents, he created something breathtakingly close to what He is. We who have born children innately know that this is the highest of callings, the holiest of assignments. This is why the slightest failure can cause us crippling despair. Even with our best intentions and our most heartfelt efforts, some us find our children not turning out the way we�d like. They are sometimes difficult to communicate with. They might be struggling in school or emotionally distressed, or openly rebellious or painfully shy. There are many reasons why they may still be wobbling a bit.

It seems, at times, that even if our children are not having problems, a nagging uneasiness keeps us wondering how we can keep them from painful paths. At odd times we find ourselves wondering, �Am I doing a good job?� "Are they going to make it?" Should I spank them or reason with them? Should I control them or ignore them? Reality has a way of making every parent feel a bit shaky.

Sister Patricia Holland writes about rereading a journal entry she made as a young mother.

�I continually pray that I will never do anything to injure my children emotionally. If I ever do cause them hurt in any way, I pray they will know I did it unwittingly. I cry often inside for the things I may have said and done thoughtlessly and pray not to repeat these transgressions. I pray that I haven�t done anything to damage the dream of what these children may become. I hunger for help and a guide- particularly when I feel I have failed them.

Then she makes this comment: Rereading that after all these years makes me feel my children are turning out surprisingly well for having such a basket case for a mother.

Sister Holland then goes on to state: �Parenting has really nothing to do with training. It has everything to do with attitude. Often parents feel they cannot communicate with their children because they are not skillful enough. Communication is not nearly so much a skill as an attitude. When our attitude is one of a broken heart and humility, of love and interest in our children�s welfare, then that cultivates communication. Our children recognize that effort on our part. On the other hand, when we are impatient, hostile and resentful, it doesn�t matter the words we choose or how we try and camouflage our feelings. That attitude will be felt by discerning hearts.

We live in an unfortunate time of disregard for the sanctity of procreation and the value life. Daily in the news we read and hear of atrocities done toward the innocent unborn, newborn and very young. Elder Packer issues this stern warning: �There is nothing in the scriptures, there is nothing in what we publish, there is nothing in what we believe or teach that gives license to parents or anyone else to neglect, abuse or molest children. There is in the scriptures, in what we publish, in what we believe, there is in what we teach, council, and in the commandments, even warnings that we are to protect, to love, to care for and to teach children to walk in the ways of truth. To betray them is utterly unthinkable.

In Mosiah 4: 14 we read, �Ye will not suffer you children that they go hungry, or naked,; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one withanother, and serve the Devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being the enemy of all righteousness.

In D&C 93: 40 the Lord said, �I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.

Each year, as school begins, we have what is called Meet the Teacher Night. Each student and their parent comes to my classroom to meet me, learn about our room and receive lists with instructions and items the child needs for the first day of school. ALso list of items the teacher needs for the classroom, and papers documenting teacher expectations and classroom rules and procedures. This is all done in a way that allows the child and parent to be fully prepared for the new school year, with all its challenges and excitement. Lets look inside a typical back pack, all ready for school and see what we find. Perhaps we can liken these items to the spiritual preparation we as parents need to provide as our children journey through life.

1. The back pack itself. This can represent the gospel as a whole. We want to make sure that each year, the back pack fits the needs and maturity of the child. Mold your teaching to their level of development. Just as this back pack is of a favorite color and sports personalized name beads, so must we sprinkle our teaching of the gospel liberally with fun, color and personal care.

2. Inside we find a name and phone number written in permanent marker, so the back pack can always find its way home. This name and phone number represents daily prayer to our father in heaven. When we are lost, we can always call home. Instill in your children a love of participating in and looking forward to prayers with the family morning and evening.

3. A homework folder. Children should be guided to work and do for others on a daily basis. It does no good to only ask, �Do you have any homework tonight?� or �Is you room picked up?� The secret to teaching children to be dependable workers is follow-through. Check on their progress. Positive and gentle reminders, encouragement, and working with a child as opposed to just telling a child, will bring fruitful results.

4. A reading log. Each nigh I require my students to read 15 minutes with a parent, grandparent or older sibling. This, of course, represents reading your scriptures daily. Sometimes, even in school, I notice that The Book of Mormon is listed on a student�s reading log. Learning to love reading the scriptures, with the help of a parent is essential in testimony building.

5. A list of student expectations and classroom rules. If parents do not discipline their children and teach them to obey, society may do so in a way neither the parents nor children will like. Without discipline and obedience at home the unity of the family collapses.

6. My daily choice chart. This is a way for the teacher to communicate with the parent, the types of choices the child made during the school day. We need to make wise choices at home with the time we have together. Some families spend an extraordinary amount of time in front of the TV, which robs them of personal time for reinforcing feelings of self-worth. Time together is precious time- time needed to talk, to listen, to encourage, and to show how to do things. When we are listening we can be alert to the promptings of the spirit and help our children to feel that influence.

7. Paper, pencils, glue, ruler. These items represent wholesome recreational activities. Careful selection of activaties can remove your children from worldly influences into a circle of peace and mutual loving support. Many family activities lead to the establishment of family traditions.

8. A note from home. Do everything in the spirit of love. This advice is given to both fathers and mother. President George Albert Smith stated, �Some think that a woman�s responsibility is to take care of the home and everything else while the man goes to meetings. I want to tell you that your chief responsibility is in your own home.

Now our back pack is ready and we can go forward. Remember, we cannot force our children into heaven. We may push them the other way by using harsh means in efforts to make them good. But we can only correct our children with love, kindness, and reason. This may require listening to children�s complaints or frustrations patiently while we fight the urge to force them to behave correctly. It may cause us to weep with them over what has gone wrong. It may require that we leave what we are doing, however important we think it is, and attend to that child�s needs. When we faithfully do this sacred work of teaching our children, we do not do it alone. The sacrifices we make, the tears we shed, and the prayers we offer are never wasted. The very fact that we try calls forth heavenly assistance.

�Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedith that which is great.

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