09.06.2004 | 8:30 pm

I have taken far too long to return to writing. I am coming up on a second anniversary in Diaryland, so I figure I had better get with it. I went through some of the pics hubby took with the digital camera when we were in PA and reduced the sizes, hoping to post some of them in this entry tonight.

A week ago today, I surely thought my world was crashing down around me. I had been to the surgeon and my primary care doctor. Both of whom could not give me a good explanation why my digestion had become all whacky since the surgery. Every minute of the day and night I had been experiencing what seemed to be �acid reflux� symptoms. Mind you, I had NO acid reflux symptoms prior to the surgery. I had made another appointment to see the orthopedic surgeon, as my new titanium knee had begun to make awful popping and grinding noises. I feared the worst....more surgery! Two days earlier, my tummy had been so upset that I was barely able to look at the wonderful pictures son-in-law posted of Melanie ready for the first day of school. DO you remember Eyeore the donkey in the Pooh stories??? I was feeling a lot like that down-in-the-mouth donkey.

My sweet daughter-in-law- had been put into the hospital for overdosing on some of her meds. Her husband, my oldest son, had been in tears most of the week end, so sad was he. Daughter-in-law has struggled with anorexia and what the doctors thought was depression and anxiety for many years. Now, all of a sudden, their beautiful world was crumpling down around them and she was in the hospital on suicide watch.

My youngest son was moving back home, tearfully. Youngest son has struggled for almost two years with what, I am sure, is some sort of mild to moderate depression. Both I and oldest daughter, who also have struggled with depression, had tried to tell him, advise him, to seek professional help, and possible medication. He just couldn�t see it, so his answer to all our pleadings was a soft, yet firm �no.� He has struggled to learn how to make friends and to accept himself, in spite of flaws, for almost five years. Mind you, he was the straight A student, the All-State Choir singer, beautiful musician...hardly attributes to be ashamed of. And now he was moving back home, away from the world of a very good and loving friend, and he too was sad and in tears.

I remember holding hubby�s hand and saying, �We need to remember Family Prayer every night. Only Heavenly Father can help us with these problems.� Hubby said prayers for the next three nights, because I was too emotionally and physically spent. Finally, as Thursday rolled around, I was feeling strong enough to take my turn during Family Prayer. I was thankful for the strength to be able to talk to the Lord. My sister had called several times from NY. She too was concerned for the mental and physical well-being of me and my family. She and her husband are serving as Mission President(s) for our church in what is called the NY, NY, North Mission. They are, needless to say, very strong spiritually and I needed their faith and prayers as well. Each day during the week, I had been trying to catch up with the scripture reading goal our Bishop (minister) had challenged our entire congregation with at the beginning of the summer. The challenge was to read the whole Book of Mormon in 90 days. I had fallen behind when I became ill, and started in again to try and finish. Each time I went to my Book of Mormon, I was given answers to inner doubts and questions. My mind was put at ease each passing day, so by the end of the week I was feeling much of hope and security in my situation. I was feeling the love of the Lord as He blessed the individual members of my family, and me as well.

Today, just one week later, I can happily say, I am eating slowly but surely, SOLID FOOD! The acid reflux is still there, but not so often or harsh. My knee seems to be feeling better...well enough, in fact, to start some scrap booking again. DIL is home from the hospital with an entirely different diagnosis than that upon entry into the hospital. New diagnosis, new meds, and hopefully, on the narrow, yet straight path to recovery. I know that her recovery will be slow, but again, there is hope for a brighter future.

Youngest son has had several crying times sitting on my bed. At first this upset me terribly. But as I had been praying for this son, for his happiness and health, I received a small whispering from the Holy Spirit last Wednesday morning. I had never become too concerned when oldest daughter would cry herself into a puddle during life�s crises, why should I be so concerned that my son felt the need to show his sadness during his times of trouble??? I shouldn�t worry. In fact, this bit of enlightenment was something he had been trying to voice for many months to hubby and I. He wants to be able to show his emotions if he feels like it. He wants hugs, and an �I love you� from the both of us EVERY DAY! Later, that evening, I told him of these insights. He just smiled and bowed his head slightly and agreed that I had hit the nail right on the head. This whole incident might sound a bit odd to some, but for our family it is a major breakthrough. You see, we have never been the huggy, touchy-feely type of family. (except, of course, if you are a little child or a kitty) Our love to each other was, I thought, clear to all- manifest through our daily actions of kindness and respect to each other. Hubby and I will be learning a new way, a more tender way of showing love and affection to all our children, I think.

So today, just one short week, yet an incredibly long week, later we celebrated Labor Day with the family. I was there and ate a regular type lunch, along with the gang. DIL was there, looking a bit tired, but much calmer and happier. Youngest son had talked with sisters, brother, uncles, and his dad and mom during the week and seems to have put his troubles into perspective. He is off tonight with friends, singing and whistling....his normal self. I finished reading The Book of Mormon, so I get to go to the PARTY! In my reading last week, I came upon a scripture that helped me so very much.

Mosiah 24: 13-15

And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came unto them in their affliction, saying, "Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease their burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even ye cannot feel them upon your backs, even while ye are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as a witness for me hereafter, that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God do visit my people in their affliction. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord"

I know it. There is joy in appreciating the simple things in life, once again.

catsnapples~ at life

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