Monday, Nov. 04, 2002 | 9:41 pm

Lots of emotions came to the surface this evening as I came home and opened the mail. There they wwere...the flight plans for James' return! How exciting, how happy...for me. Then I started thinking. I talked with my eldest and she said, "James is going to have a hard time adjusting, just like me." Then I knew, I was being selfish in thinking only of my own joy.

James is the last of my children to go out into the world and serve their God and church for two years. We, hubby and I , have gladly paid the $375. monthly bill to keep and support them. The joy of this sacrifice comes in seeing children grow and mature, helping others find happier and more fulfilling lives, and learning that their is a God in heaven that protects them because they serve...I mean really coming to know, in the depths of your heart and soul, that God takes care of you. Why would any parent want to have their child leave that snug, spiritual enviornment, and return to the harsh realities of the world? As my eldest said as she described her feelings as she left that foriegn country in which she servred, "I was so sad to know it would be a very long time until I could return. I was missing Sophia and Plovdiv and all those special Bulgarian things, never to be immersed and be one with them in the same way again. Will James feel this same way as flies out of Hiroshima, over the Pacific and back into the USA...back to the family that has had an empty place in their hearts these past two years. Yes, I know he will. He will weep for the grand mission that is over, finished. He will wonder, where has my time gone,? Is it really finished? It hurts to know that my joy in his return, wiil be pain to him. It is sad that you can't go back, never in the same way.

Tonight we visited mother at her home. She is always so happy to see me. She was a school teacher for 28 years, and enjoys talking about all the little things that go on in the classroom. As we visited, I noticed a funeral program for her brother, my uncle. I took it off her bulletin board and began to read the program and obituary that my cousin had brought to her. I couldn't get through the reading of it before I choaked up. It hit me how very little I really knew about this great man and his accomplishments. We had always lived so far away and didn't have cousins our age in his family. A whole lifetime of service, work and devotion to family, God and country. That about says it all for Merold Gold, my uncle.

Mother wasn't sad. She has great faith in all that God has promised his children here on earth...so I will dry my eyes, and know that Uncle Merold is fine, and James will adjust.

catsnapples~in first grade and at life

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