10/10/2002 | 9:44 pm

I am an MS-Survivor. That means that I have had a close family member afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis. That family member is either still living with the disease, or has died from the disease. In my case, I have both.

We first came to know MS when my sister-in-law, Barb, was diagnosed with the disease after the birth of a child. She had lost all bowel and bladder control, and was having various other symptoms: nimbness, dizziness, falling, blurred vision. At the time, and for many years after her initial diagnosis, her husband was in serious denial. He refused to really take hold of the situation and manage her care properly. Often he would leave her care to the children, all of whom were too young to handle her properly. The oldest daughters eventually came to resent and even have feelings of hate for both of their parents.

Part of the problem in caring for an MS patient is that they, themselves, become moody, depressed, grouchy and often abusive to the ones caring for them. In Barb's case, it was her own children she was so very awful toward. Consequently, much of the care began to rest on my mother-in-law. She took care of Barb for many years, and Barb's kids too. Then my mother-in-law became ill with a deadly lung cancer. Strangely, she was never a smoker, but she ended up passing away before Barb.

FInally my brother-in-law, Barb's husband, had no other choice but to take responsibility himself. By this time the older children were away in college, and it was him or nobody. Eventually Barb passed away about 8 years ago. It was a blessing. She had wasted away to skin and bones, and was miserable.

In the meantime, another family membeer, my brother-in-law, Rich, was diagnosed with MS. Both these family members were siblings to my husband. This is very unusual to have MS occur more than once in a family. Rich was divorced, and had no one to care for him at all. That's where the remaing brothers and one sister stepped in. He was moved to one of their homes and the three of them shared in all the duties: his care, raising his children, taking care of his property. During this time, my own mother was beginning to need extensive home care with her own MS. Yes, it is a disease that has afflicted both sides of the family. For about 7 years my husband and I would rarely see each other on weekends because he would be caring for his brother and I would be caring for my mother. These were weekends after a full week of work!

The story gets stranger still. My niece, daughter of Barb, was coming home from an extended stay abroad with some familiar symptoms. Soon after she came home, she too was diagnosed with MS. Luckily, being young and close to a major medical school, she has been able to take advantage of some new, cutting edge treatments. She is married, but is very fearful of ever having a family because of her disease. Indeed, a sad loss.

Late last November RIch died. By the time he passed away, he was thin, pale and had wasted away to a skeleton. MS is like that...it kills one cell at a time.

So now, my niece and my mother still live on. Mother has been moved to a very nice residence care home, close to my school. She is happy and content. I know she suffers, but rarely now does she complain. My niece still has a lifetime to deal with MS.

I often think about a time when Barb was sitting in a chair at a family party. She was a few months away from death. We had just learned that Rich had MS. She was weeping. Barely able to mutter intelligeable speech , she told us she was crying for Rich. She wished that she could live his life for him. She knew what he would have to experience, and she wanted to lift that burden from him. Shortly thereafter, at another family party, I remember Rich kissing Barb and saying, "I'll see you on the other side soon. I love you."

This is how we survive MS: love, patience, love, care, love, bravery, love, empathy, and LOVE.

catsnapples~ at life

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